Based on researches conducted in the US about the science of children, Nurture Shock by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman reveals that many of our assumptions about kids can no longer be counted on. This book reveals that “many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring.” Many of the assumptions about child development have actually “distorted parenting habits, school programs and social policies. “ With evidence revealed by researches (mostly in the US) on various aspects related to kids, the book teaches us “to think differently – more deeply and clearly – about children.” Here are some insights I got from the book:
The Inverse Power of Praise:
> Giving always the label that your kids are “smart” might cause them to under-perform. Some of these “smart” kids will tend to discount the importance of effort because they think that they already have the natural gift of intelligence.
> Excessive praise may distort the children's motivation; the kids may begin to do things merely to hear the praise, losing sight of intrinsic enjoyment.
> Excessivley praised kids by parents feel so much pressure and tend to focus only on the grade or achievement and not on the effort. Sometimes they may resort to cheating because they come to believe that failure is something so terrible that their parents won't accept.
> Praise the “process” more than the “outcome.” Praise your child for his/her effort, time and persistence to improve not only the achievement.
The Lost Hour:
> When kids grow and go to school, the number of hours of sleeping decreases from the usual 8 hours to 7 hours. At least one hour of sleeping time is lost. The loss hour has many impacts on the kids.
> A loss hour of sleep is equivalent to the loss of two years of cognitive maturation and development affecting the kid's IQ and academic performance.
> The lack of sleep weakens a child capacity to learn during the day.
> Recognizing the impact of the lack of sleep in kids, some schools in the US moved the school time start from 7:25 AM to 8:30 AM and found positive changes especially the brightest kids.
> School here in the Manila (e.g. Ateneo Grade School) starts at 7:30 AM. Kids have to wake up as early as 5:00 AM to be able to come to school on time because of the traffic during rush hours. To have at least 8 hours of sleep, kids should sleep at 9:00 PM. After reading this book, I ordered my son, Geof to sleep at 9:00 PM, but often this is not followed because he got used to waiting for us who sleep late (usually 10:30 PM). So parents must sleep early also to make their kids sleep early.
Why kids lie:
> Kids lie to avoid punishment and to get praise.
> Kids lie to increase their social power and sense of control.
> Kids lie as a coping mechanism – to get attention from peers.
> Kids learn to lie from us, adults also..
> Parents need to teach kids the worth of honesty just as much as they need to say lying is wrong. The more kids hear the message, the more quickly they will take this lesson to heart.
Other interesting topics in the book:
The Sibling Effect – Why siblings fight
The Science of Teen Rebellion – Why arguing with adults is a sign of respect and constructive.
Why Hannah Talks and Alyssa Doesn't – What's the right way to accomplish the goal of jump-starting infant's language skills.
1 comment:
nice one.
values are indeed caught, not taught.
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